I'll decide what kind of woman I want to become.

After living 28 years of this God-given grace life; 12 years as a child; another 6 or 8 years as a confused teenager (but still great); counting down to 8 years of young adulthood and this is what I've learned - It's either I make the choices or defined by others.

Peers; Authorative figures; My mentor; Godly principles; Media + Social Media.

Lots of different perspective and messages; some great, some out of this world (I don't agree with); and more. 

And then it comes to this one thing which gets in the way all the time. Suppressing expectations because I'm a woman. Some 'advice' really concerns me. ⬇

"You're not full unless you're married."

"As a woman, my goal is to think about finding 'the man'; getting married; bear children; raise a family." (No wonder so many women don't like this option because they were taught that this is the only option they can choose as a woman)

P/S: I would love to meet my partner, get married, bear children - holy and nothing wrong about it but that should not be the sole reason I'm alive and breathing, living in this time in history, right!?

"You should stay at home and read books and be quiet." (HELLO!?)

I experience this statement first hand. My brain was in so much shock I still can't believe what I've heard. I love reading books but I really hate how he made my favourite thing to do into a manipulative prison.

"Are you still single? When will you find a boyfriend?" (With all due respect, I don't know the answer to your question. It's really not in my control. But, thanks for asking.)

Hear my heart, I believe these were genuine concerns from the different worldviews these people were brought up to. 

I heard you thank you, but nope, I want to try different things; dream; achieve and chase after my God-given calling, and yes I really believe that God will take care of this. I don't have an earthly father to 'filter' so I'm more than glad to have him be in control of this area.

I mean, I'm really not waiting for a guy to come to save me from my misery cause honestly, my life is great; I'm not miserable 😂

I'm not a half waiting to be whole; I'm already whole.

I don't need a man to fulfil me; I am satisfied and fulfil as a person.

I am not defined by solely my marital status; there's so much more of me. Being labelled 'single'; 'in a relationship'; 'married'; 'divorced'; or 'widowed' is far too narrow to truly understand or know a person.

There's this ideal person that I want to become, but honestly, I'm very influenced by all the above statements; no one is immune by the media/advertisement messages/people's expectations etc. 

Alright, rants over.

The conclusion is I'm really happy for who I am and the growth that I'm experiencing and adulthood and all. It's not easy, there are night seasons and bright ones but it's still really fun to be alive. I really am not dreading or missing my old times. I'm creating wonderful 'new times' as I live day-by-day as long as God grants me to be alive. So, it's cool!

It's 4:04am and I can't sleep due to caffeine overdose. God bless me in a few hours when I work. Please don't let my brain be 404 🤣

K. Need to try to go to bed and rest my eyes. Ta.