The Struggle is Real
Always been a people-pleaser, which I'm not proud of.
Always chose to be quiet and just shove down what I feel and all the emotions that should be expressed.
Always thinking that I should not trouble anyone with what I think and what I really want.
And when I look back, I've actually unconsciously deceived people around me.
I didn't know how serious was the problem until I reap the fruit of my harvest.
I ate it one bite at a time, tasting the rottenness of every fruit intoxicating my body from within.
Still, I was ignorant of what it is doing to me.
After such a long time, I've been immune to the pain, thinking that it is 'normal' & 'natural'.
I'm not your average girl.
After living for 25 years only did I realize that I was deceived.
Assuming that everything in my life is normal.
Assuming that pain is normal.
Assuming that not communicating is to lessen troubles.
Assuming that to avoid conflict and confrontation is a virtue.
Assuming that abnormal is actually normal.
It hurts, not gonna lie.
Change is painful, not gonna lie.
I hate the process and pain of switching, not gonna lie.
Facing my twisted personality and thoughts is nerve-wracking, not gonna lie.
But the price that was paid was too precious for me to continue living in deception.
I had to start learning to stand firm on what I believe in, even when the tension in the air is as tangible as breathing smoke into my lungs.
I had to start setting boundaries and guard it for the first time.
And only did I realize that it's not difficult to start something but staying committed is.
The moment I started to set boundaries only did I realize...
I can never please everyone in my life - not even my friends and family.
I can never do everything I want to if I want to be really good at one thing - sacrifice good for best.
There are things I had to let go in order to get what I really wanted - maybe getting the best of both worlds is a lie after all.
There will be times when uncertainty is my constant companion as I walk in the path of growth. And in moments like these Visions and Dreams are the only compass; the only North Star that shines brightly in the night sky. There's no turning back because turning back actually cost me more than if I were to move forward.
But anyhow, I have decided to follow through.
There's a hymn that I love which sounds like this...
"I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back
The cross before me, the world behind me, no turning back, no turning back"
Singing is so much easier than experiencing it, but I believe everything is worth it.
I was deceived and so I have decided to switch paths now.
To not be deceived is to change masters,
to listen to a different voice,
to trust a different whisper,
to discern the truth from lies.
Hey Beautiful, it's time to move on.
I know you don't like it, but I promise when you reap a whole new harvest and eat the fruits, you'll not be intoxicated no more.
You will become who you always wanted to be which starts from within.
Repent = Renewing of Your Mind.
Always chose to be quiet and just shove down what I feel and all the emotions that should be expressed.
Always thinking that I should not trouble anyone with what I think and what I really want.
And when I look back, I've actually unconsciously deceived people around me.
I didn't know how serious was the problem until I reap the fruit of my harvest.
I ate it one bite at a time, tasting the rottenness of every fruit intoxicating my body from within.
Still, I was ignorant of what it is doing to me.
After such a long time, I've been immune to the pain, thinking that it is 'normal' & 'natural'.
I'm not your average girl.
After living for 25 years only did I realize that I was deceived.
Assuming that everything in my life is normal.
Assuming that pain is normal.
Assuming that not communicating is to lessen troubles.
Assuming that to avoid conflict and confrontation is a virtue.
Assuming that abnormal is actually normal.
It hurts, not gonna lie.
Change is painful, not gonna lie.
I hate the process and pain of switching, not gonna lie.
Facing my twisted personality and thoughts is nerve-wracking, not gonna lie.
But the price that was paid was too precious for me to continue living in deception.
I had to start learning to stand firm on what I believe in, even when the tension in the air is as tangible as breathing smoke into my lungs.
I had to start setting boundaries and guard it for the first time.
And only did I realize that it's not difficult to start something but staying committed is.
The moment I started to set boundaries only did I realize...
I can never please everyone in my life - not even my friends and family.
I can never do everything I want to if I want to be really good at one thing - sacrifice good for best.
There are things I had to let go in order to get what I really wanted - maybe getting the best of both worlds is a lie after all.
There will be times when uncertainty is my constant companion as I walk in the path of growth. And in moments like these Visions and Dreams are the only compass; the only North Star that shines brightly in the night sky. There's no turning back because turning back actually cost me more than if I were to move forward.
But anyhow, I have decided to follow through.
There's a hymn that I love which sounds like this...
"I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back
The cross before me, the world behind me, no turning back, no turning back"
Singing is so much easier than experiencing it, but I believe everything is worth it.
I was deceived and so I have decided to switch paths now.
To not be deceived is to change masters,
to listen to a different voice,
to trust a different whisper,
to discern the truth from lies.
Hey Beautiful, it's time to move on.
I know you don't like it, but I promise when you reap a whole new harvest and eat the fruits, you'll not be intoxicated no more.
You will become who you always wanted to be which starts from within.
Repent = Renewing of Your Mind.
Comments
Post a Comment