You Have A Voice, Now Roar Like A Lion

Recently God is reminding me again.

"Iris, I want you to be yourself."

I wouldn't want to be anyone else.
Although I still have insecurities, still imperfect, still awkward at times, I'm still struggling with a few things. But I always have to intentionally remind myself, "please love, accept and be yourself."

"You have a voice, and I want you to roar like a lion!"

It is very tempting to compare myself with people who looks like they got it all together.
It is very tempting to see people who are not suffering from things that happened in their past and want to be as free and cheerful as they are.
It is very tempting to try to put on a mask just to make people feel more comfortable around me.

But I know I can't because I'm walking through a process of healing, and the last thing I want to do is to hide and act like everything is okay.

Sometimes I care too much - in an unhealthy way.
I don't want people to feel burdened or uncomfortable when they're with me.
I don't like the awkwardness, and the worst thing is at the end of the day I'll blame myself for it.

Thoughts that go through my mind daily goes something like this...
"Did they feel uncomfortable being with me?"

"There is definitely a problem with me because when they're hanging out with others they're fine?"

"Am I not enjoyable enough to be with? I must be a problem."

And if I did not realise that these were lies from the pit of hell.

The end result will be..
"Yea, I'm a problem. I better stop finding this or that person, I might be bothering them or I might be annoying."

BUT PRAISE JESUS

Every single time when I almost fall into this trap, Holy Spirit will snap me out of it.

"Iris! You're doing it again. Spot the shame!"

Yes.
Shame lurks in darkness always trying to find a way to blend in your thoughts.
Shame is like a snake slithering in tall grasses waiting to attack.
Shame will bite you and poison your mind.

I'm just so thankful that Holy Spirit lives in me

Always reminding me to be gentle to myself.

You're going through a process of healing, 
and you will need all the help and care you can get from people I've put in your life.

You know who to trust. 

You know who to find. 

You know who to seek help from.

Don't worry. 

I've put them there because they will walk with you and not judge you.

Don't worry about them, because you are not a burden to people who truly cares for you.

I'm lost for words.

Iris, 

you have a voice!

Be Yourself.

Now Roar.